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07-02-14 | Posted by

Think you can’t learn anything about beauty from ladies of the Litchfield Penitentiary? Think again. These inmates are as crafty and creative as they are shady and shameful, and they could teach us all a thing or two about looking our best for less.

For those who don’t watch Netflix’s hit dramedy, Orange Is the New Black is Jenji Kahn’s interpretation of Piper Kerman’s memoir, Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison. Now during its second season, we delve further into the inmates’ backstory and the plots as well as the beauty pointers, which do not disappoint. (Even if you don’t think any of these gals have cornered the market on style, you should see how they clean up. Most of the actresses are barely recognizable and shockingly gorgeous when they walk the red carpet.)

In reel life, everyone loves inmate Lorna Morello’s looks (except of course her imaginary fiancé Christopher (pronounced Chris-Tow-Pha), and this is why she was just tapped to be the beauty columnist for the innaugural prison newsletter. In the debut issue, Morello, played by Yael Stone, suggests that instant coffee is the perfect stand-in for eyeshadow when in a crunch or the clink, as the case may be. Just add water.

Fans know Morello is never caught without bright red lipstick. Her in-the-slammer trick? Kool Aid, but she is also not above digging deep down into a lipstick cartridge for some color scraps. In real life, Stone’s signature lip color is Dolce & Gabbana Classic Lipstick #620, according to show insiders.

Morello also uses toilet paper to set her pin curls, and while actress Natasha Lyonne, who plays junkie philosopher Nicky Nichols, likely doesn’t spend much time taming her curls, they are still enviable. Many of us spend hundreds of dollars and even more time and elbow grease trying to tame naturally curly hair, but Lyonne owns her trademark soft and shiny curls. We doubt they sell Ouidad  in the commissary, but there’s nothing better for frizz- and fancy-free curls.

And then there’s Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Dogget and her new smile. The Born Again Christian and devout homophobe, played by Taryn Manning, is certainly not looking to hook up in prison, but a recent USA Today survey showed that teeth are the first thing men and women notice in a potential date. Her new smile is certainly much better than the broken, blackened half grimace she sported before Piper (Taylor Schilling) beat her down in a prison yard fight. It looks like there are some decent cosmetic dentists available for inmates.

Also on season 2, a bootleg tobacco business rolls through Lichtfeld, and many of the inmates may be picking up this nasty habit once again (and really, who can blame them?). Bad news, girls: besides just increasing risk of cancer and heart disease, smoking can cause premature aging.  We wonder if Morello has an antidote for that up her orange sleeve?





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